| 02 January 2007
So we took some time off for the holidays, and we're sure there's gotta be one person that noticed. So as we say goodbye to the year of the Steeler's Superbowl and the Marcus Vick... 
well, just Marcus Vick, we are now going to tell you what is in store for the next year. We are hesitant to call these predictions, as they will assuredly come true.
So here they are, THE stories of 2007:
- Pittsburgh Penguins win the Stanley Cup. They will be the first team to leave a city as champions. The question will be if the Cup will stay in Pittsburgh or go with the team to Houston/Hartford/Montreal/Juneau.
- Colts lose to the Chargers in the AFC Championship game. Indy must then find 21 new starters after Peyton Manning throws the rest of the team under the bus.
- Chargers beat the Eagles in the Superbowl. Rumors later swirl as to whether or not the NFL even bothered to make “Eagles Superbowl Champion” apparel for after the game.
- Democrats keep control of the House.
- Tommy Bowden accepts the Alabama job. Bowden’s don’t win unless they can pay their players.
- Bobby Knight kills 4 people for not listening to him.
- Arizona or Kentucky is again the “sexy pick” to win the NCAA Tourney. They will lose in the 2nd round, screwing over my bracket for yet another year.
- Florida will lose to Butler in the NCAA Tourney Final, giving Florida 2 losses in championship games. 13 year old Joseph Hegeman of Zionsville, IN wins ESPN's Bracket Challenge because his brother went there.
- The Olympic Committee discontinues the Olympic Games, ruling that each country’s own regular competitions are pretty much a playoff. Medals will be awarded based on votes by writers. Notre Dame Football wins 3 Golds.
- After a new owner comes in and wants to move the team to Florida, the Cleveland Indians rally around their hatred of her to win the Series.
- The Toronto Raptors win the NBA Championship, proving that the U.S. just really really sucks at basketball.
- In the off season, 4 Bengals will attempt to offset their teammates behavior and become ministers. To offset this, Chris Henry runs a drug ring out of an illegal gambling parlor using hookers.
- After having 2 coaches for 4 decades, the Pittsburgh Steelers will have 4 coaches in two months. After failing to land Gordon Bombay, Bill Nye, or Woody Paige, they finally settle on Chuck Amato. Dan Rooney cites Amato's physically humorous chest as a main hiring factor.
- The North End Zone writers will be offered multi-million dollar jobs at ESPN. Unfortunately, the jobs will entail talking with Pam Ward.
So there you have it folks. That's what will be in the year 2007. It is set to be a good one, for sure.
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