| 12 November 2009
Maryland becomes the new Duke, as Tech travels to College Park for a home game. Grab some Taco Bell and hit us after the jump...
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Non-Metallica Pump-Up Song of the Week
After weeks of going back and forth about using this song, I finally just went with it. I swear to God if you aren't ready to run through a wall at the 2:30 mark, I don't want you on my football team...
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After what seems like a month-long hiatus, the Hokies are back to regularly scheduled Saturday football. Or at least, something that resembles football. We can remember bits and pieces of the BC game, but a few traumatic events in October have really clouded our memories.
But nothing clears the mind like a good ‘ol Maryland ass-kickin’. If you live in DC and are not attending this game, you need to be made an example of in a public square. The tickets will be dirt-cheap, the stadium will be filled with Hokies, and no one should ever pass up the chance to watch Maryland shrivel up and die.
I remember the Redskins-Steelers game at FedEx last year. The Redskins had to go to a silent count on half-a-dozen plays. AT HOME!! Methinks this Saturday could produce something similar.
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Rant of the Week
O… M… F… G… The Cheesy Gordita Crunch is BACK at Taco Bell!!
This thing is amazing. It’s like the holy grail of tortilla filled goodness. And for some reason, Taco Bell, an otherwise fine and upstanding company, decided that they would keep such a lovely product away from us.
Now I don’t say this often, but… SCREW YOU TACO BELL. You wave this fancy, deep-fried, deliciously-cheesy concoction in front of our face, then yank it away after a few weeks? For shame…
Do these things cost like $50 to make or something? If so, I’ll pay it, I don’t care. Just make them available year-round.
Other than this, I have no problems with you, T-Bell, and I hope this doesn’t ruin our relationship.
[Editor’s note: I just joined mint.com… my Taco Bell spending is 3x the national average. I’ve never been so proud.]
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The Bad Guys
Another week, another shit team that we’ll probably have trouble with. The Terps are 2-7. 2 and freaking 7!!!!! We’re not sure how to make this any clearer: we should beat the ever loving piss out of this team.
Hell, one of those wins can in overtime against JMU!! We’ve chronicled here how JMU isn’t actually a school, so there’s no need to get into it again.
Ryan Williams has more than double the COMBINED rushing yards of the Terps’ top two guys.
These guys lost to Virginia, for Christ’s sake. There is no excuse for leaving any doubt past the first quarter of this game.
As a final note, we'd like to point out that Maryland's alma mater is to the tune of "O Christmas Tree". This is not a joke. Since they won't be scoring, you'll have to listen for it at kcikoff and halftime.
Good lord do we hate this team.
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The Good Guys
We are better than they are. Say it again. Now get the hell out there and win by 70 points.
We have complete faith in our defense right now. Sure our tackling is beyond pathetic, and the Georgia Tech game still looms over us like a nightmare we can’t wake up from. But the defense has kept points off the board, and Maryland has neither the talent or the schemes to get the ball down the field.
The offense... Just, please, for the love of everything holy, try to be a step above anemic. Our doctor’s won’t let us watch any more offensive “drives” if we keep getting stressed out like this.
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The Game
As we mentioned before, if you live close enough to DC to know that no one around here can drive in the rain, you are required by Hokie Law to attend this game.
We are not joking when we say that everyone will be there. Kyle, our own Hokie ambassador to Africa, will be in attendance. The dude's coming from across the ocean. You can take a 20 minute Metro ride.
Also, it’s your last chance to see Ralph Friedgen waddle onto the field. Beamer and the Fridge are friends. That’s too bad, because Ralph will be hitting up Career Builder after this season.
You see, Maryland does this crazy, whacky thing where they get rid of coaches that suck. They like to at least attempt to improve themselves. Will a new coach ensure a better record? Maybe not. But when you are sitting in the basement, there’s nowhere to go but up. At least, that’s one school of thought.
Another school of thought is to hang on to a less-than-mediocre coach that hasn’t put a decent offense together since… ever, can’t call a game to save his life, and is constantly bailed out by either A) an athletic move by a talented player that’s not being used to the best of his abilities or B) the defense. As long as he’s a “good guy”, it’s probably best to keep him on board.
Consider that Rant of the Week II. Sometimes, it just comes out.
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Replacement Offensive Coordinator(s) of the Week
Tech hasn't lost to Maryland since 1990. To put that into perspective, this year's crop of freshmen weren't even born (...wow we are old... and creepy).
With a win this Saturday, Tech can even the overall series at 15. After 14 wins, you can guess that we know how to kick some turtle ass.
But we know two guys that have killed billions, if not trillions of little turtle douchebags in their life time.
You guessed it...
The original terrapin slayers themselves...
The original badasses.
May your mustaches lead us.
LET'S GO HOKIES!!!
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