| 05 November 2009
Yes, this season actually continues. And we're still ranked.
We know you're probably feeling down at the moment, but a big win tonight will perk you right up.
After the jump, we have nothing but good feelings... or nothing but angry ranting. Can't really recall...
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Non-Metallica Pump-up Song of the Week
Your humble editor has been a little under the weather this week, so you’ll have to forgive the phoned-in preview. The last game was just too much to bear.
There will be no flowery intro this week. We’ll have to just jump right in.
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Rant of the Week
As overheard in the stands last Thursday: W. T. Fuck?!??! Zero points at half time. REALLY???
Look, we know what we said beforehand. We said that UNC was not good. And we still stand by that. They suck, but apparently we are a case study in awfulness.
A few words pop to mind when we think about our offense from that night: anemic, pathetic, embarrassing, woeful. Theasaurus.com lists 36 synonyms for the word “worthless”. Add one more: “Stinespring”.
Yeah, good ‘ol Voldemort showed us that he’s exactly the same guy we’ve come to know and love.
We get that we don’t have the answers. We’re not good at the technicalities of football. But we know when an offense sucks. And ours SUCKS.
We scored 17 points on UNC, 7 of which came from a turnover at the five. Virginia put up 16 on them, at UNC!!
This was a Thursday-freaking-night in Blacksburg!! We don’t lose these games!
At least, we didn’t lose these games. I guess you have to be ranked high for our offense to come to play.
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The Bad Guys
We’ll say it again: THEY SUCK. East Carolina has beaten no one, and they shouldn’t beat us. Unfortunately, we have the same record.
Also, their quarterback and running back combine to have the gayest sounding backfield in the country: Pinkney and Lindsay.
Other than that, we’ve got nothing. I don’t think the Pirates have beat writers.
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The Hokies
We’ll say it again: OUR OFFENSE SUCKS. I’m sorry to keep beating on this, but the rage inside me continues to burn. Everything about that side of the ball is terrible. Do we not have talented players? Does Beamer really think we are getting the most out of those kids?
The play calling is terrible. The blocking is horrible. And the decision-making is deplorable.
Our defense is playing decently, but is still frustrating as balls. Can anyone tackle?
Maybe it’s not their fault. I mean, when you’re on the field for almost 2/3rds of the game, you can’t expect to make all the plays.
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The Game
We once looked at this game as a trap game. Apparently, it’s a trap game with regards to making the Champs Sports Bowl.
Make no mistake, this is ECU’s superbowl. They circled this game a long time ago. We’d better be ready to play, because we’re going to get their best.
If you’re nervous, you should be. Anything is possible at this point.
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Replacement Offensive Coordinator of the Week
We went through a few options for this week, but there wasn’t a good picture of a mop with a bucket for a head.
So we decided to harken back to an earlier time. There once was a season which opened with ECU, and the Hokie fell. We were so embarrassed that we decided the team needed a girl to come in and take charge. We won the next game (against UF… at least, a UF) and went on to an Orange Bowl victory later that year.
So, making her second appearce, we give you the toughest girl we’ve ever seen. And we kind of wish she’d come play linebacker for us.
That’s right…
Becky “Ice Box” O’Shea
If only we’d have started her first last year. Oh, what could have been…
LET’S GO HOKIES!!
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