| 21 April 2010
Four ridiculous match-ups, after the jump...
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#1 Independence Day - President Whitmore: Good morning. In less than an hour, aircraft from here will join others from around the world. And you will be launching the largest aerial battle in this history of mankind. Mankind -- that word should have new meaning for all of us today. We can't be consumed by our petty differences anymore. We will be united in our common interests. Perhaps its fate that today is the 4th of July, and you will once again be fighting for our freedom, not from tyranny, oppression, or persecution -- but from annihilation. We're fighting for our right to live, to exist. And should we win the day, the 4th of July will no longer be known as an American holiday, but as the day when the world declared in one voice: "We will not go quietly into the night! We will not vanish without a fight! We're going to live on! We're going to survive!" Today, we celebrate our Independence Day!
#8 Christmas Vacation - Ellen: What are you looking at? Clark: Oh, the silent majesty of a winter's morn... the clean, cool chill of the holiday air... an asshole in his bathrobe, emptying a chemical toilet into my sewer... [Eddie, in the driveway, is draining the RV's toilet] Eddie: Shitter was full. Clark: Ah, yeah. You checked our shitters, honey?
Though “Shitter was full” is a great quote, The Speech will not go quietly into the night!
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#4 Airplane! - Rumack: Can you fly this plane, and land it? Ted Striker: Surely you can't be serious. Rumack: I am serious... and don't call me Shirley.
#5 Super Troopers - Farva: Gimme a litre o' cola. Dimpus Burger Guy: What? Farva: A litre o' cola. Thorny: Just order a large, Farva. Farva: I don't want a large Farva. I want a goddamn litre o' cola. Dimpus Burger Guy: I don't know what that is. Farva: Litre is French for give me some fucking cola before I break your f*cking lips!
Holy… what a match-up we have here. Both took out personal favorites of mine (Glengary Glenross and Hot Rod), but I’m not bitter. Both were happy just to make the tournament.
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#3 40 Year Old Virgin - Cal: You're gay, now? David: No, I'm not gay. I'm just celibate. Cal: I think... I mean, that sounds gay. I just want you to know this is, like, the first conversation of, like, three conversations that leads to you being gay. Like, there's this and then in a year it's like, "Oh, you know, I'm kinda gonna want to get back out there, but I think I like guys," and then there's the big, "Oh, I'm... I'm... I'm a gay guy now." David: You're gay for saying that. Cal: I'm gay for saying that? David: You know how I know you're gay? Cal: How? How do you know I'm gay? David: Because you macramed yourself a pair of jean shorts. Cal: You know how I know *you're* gay? You just told me you're not sleeping with women any more. David: You know how I know you're gay? Cal: How? Cause you're gay? And you can tell who other gay people are? David: You know how I know you're gay? Cal: How? David: You like Coldplay.
#11 Monty Python - Black Knight: It's just a flesh wound.
Our first upset! Though not Monty Python fans ourselves, apparently our readers are. Forgetting Sarah Marshall was likely looking ahead and blew it in the first round. A bigger match-up here than we probably realize, since our readership consists of a bunch of NERRRRRRRRRRRDS!!
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#2 Billy Madison - Principal: Mr. Madison, what you've just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.
#7 Hangover - Alan Garner: Hello. How 'bout that ride in? I guess that's why they call it Sin City. Ha. You guys might not know this, but I consider myself a bit of a loner. I tend to think of myself as a one-man wolf pack. But when my sister brought Doug home, I knew he was one of my own. And my wolf pack... it grew by one. So there... there were two of us in the wolf pack... I was alone first in the pack, and then Doug joined in later. And six months ago, when Doug introduced me to you guys, I thought, "Wait a second, could it be?" And now I know for sure, I just added two more guys to my wolf pack. Four of us wolves, running around the desert together, in Las Vegas, looking for strippers and cocaine. So tonight, I make a toast!
Oh sweet lord, what a decision. Good luck with this one, kids.
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Good luck to all participants.| < Prev | Next > |
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