| 02 June 2010
Here it is, your fourth bracket in Food Madness 2010. Cheese Region. I hope you have your Lactaid pills ready, this could get messy.
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Cheese is a gift from heaven. I mean how many other foods do you know that are famous for being paired with booze? Huh? Yeah that's right, not many. Cheese is wonderful. On to the voting:
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1 Cheddar vs 16 Cottage
Cheddar is globally known as the best fucking cheese ever. Cheddar is almost synonymous with bacon. "Bacon Cheddar" are two of the most heavenly words in the English language. In England (I think) cheddar is also a term used for money. Cottage cheese on the other hand is synonymous with fat woman thighs. Now I'm not saying that's right or anything, but our society has deemed it appropriate to compare a cheese with cellulite. Doesn't make me want cottage cheese anytime soon. So you have cheddar = bacon and money, and cottage cheese = cellulite. Hmmm this one's a toughie.
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2 Swiss vs 15 Romano
Ham and Swiss. My favorite sandwich. Swiss cheese is so good, they had to put holes in it so that there is more cheese to go around. I can't be mad at them for that. Swiss is that good. Whenever you see cartoons with mice in them, the mice are always taking Swiss cheese. Mice are smart animals. They know their shit. Romano cheese is kind of like Parmesan, but not really. It's one of the hard cheeses. I prefer Romano over Parmesan, but in our world, very few people have heard of Romano. That's why it's all the way down here at 15. Give Romano a shot sometime. You won't be disappointed.
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3 American vs 14 Brie
American cheese is American. Brie is a pretty good spreadable cheese for crackers. Brie might have gotten dealt a bad h--- USA! USA! USA! USA!
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4 Mozzarella vs 13 Gruyere
This one is hard. Mozzarella is the shit when it comes to Italian food. Pizza, pasta, chicken and meatball parm. A little mozz makes that stuff what it is. String cheese is also fucking spectacular. Mozzarella with tomatoes and some Italian dressing. Oop, I'm drooling. However, I won't lie, Gruyere is fucking amazing. I had a skillet of mac and cheese this past weekend and it was made with Gruyere and slab bacon. You know what slab bacon is? It's big fucking chunks of bacon. Smothered in Gruyere cheese. Needless to say it was everything I thought it would be and much, much more. Don't turn your back on Gruyere.
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5 Gouda vs 12 Blue Cheese
Have you ever made a grilled cheese sandwich with Gouda? No? Stop what you're doing right now and go make it. It will change your life. It's like the best of all cheeses mixed into one. And smoked Gouda is like adding in some awesome natural outdoorsy flavor into it. Tough to beat. I would put Gouda in the top 3 if I could, but I feel like there might be a revolt. This is not fair, though. Not enough people have really given Gouda a fighting chance. Gouda could go toe to toe with a lot of the big name cheeses and come out victorious. I'll stand by that. Blue cheese on the other hand, I could happily watch die a firey death. Couldn't care less about blue cheese. I think it's gross and unappetizing. But it ranks high because everyone else loves it. I don't get it. But here we are.
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6 Parmesan vs 11 Muenster
Parm is always a second thought to me. It's not like I make anything specifically using Parmesan cheese. But if I do make something and it seems to be lacking a little something extra, that's where my parm comes in. Mostly pizza and pasta, but fresh grated parm is the missing link between bland pasta and a damn good meal. Muenster is a cheese that I always forget about. But whenever someone brings it out I'm always like "oh yeahhhh, this stuff is pretty good". But then once it's finished I forget about it again. Some people love muenster. One guy I knew in high school basically jerked off to muenster. He was a weird kid. I never "got" muenster I guess. It's good but in the world of cheese, there are plenty more that are better.
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7 Monterey Jack vs 10 Feta
Monterey Jack was an awesome character in Chip n' Dale Rescue Rangers. This cheese has a flavor unique to itself. Also, the only Mexican cheese on this list. But it represents. Monterey Jack does most of it's legwork on sandwiches or on it's own. Grilled cheese is interesting with it. Monterey Jack also lends itself well to be combined with other things like jalapenos and other mix-ins. Feta is a new cheese for me. I always avoided it because Greek things scare me. Not really, but I just never got the balls to try feta. I'm kinda pissed at myself now. Feta is pretty good. But the problem is, is that it really only goes on salads and fancy pasta dishes made with crazy ingredients. Feta, if you were more versatile you would be higher on this list.
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8 Provolone vs 9 Ricotta
This one is hard. Provolone has sandwiches, namely Philly cheese steaks, but ricotta has ravioli, lasagna, manicotti, etc. Both are unique and delicious. This one is up for grabs. We need you all to settle this one.
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So there you go. All contestants have been revealed and the voting has commenced. If you have any comments, adulation, phone numbers, panties you would like to throw at us, leave them in the comments. If you have any complaints about the seedings or which foods were left out, write them in your diary. But seriously. There are tons of foods out there, so if you have any ideas for other "regions" (ex. grains - all up to you BalRog) or overall tournaments (ex. cake vs. pie) let us know either in the comments or by the email at the top left of this page. We'd love to hear them.
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