| 01 June 2010
You know 'em, you love 'em. It's time for the vegetable round. After the jump.
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The other results have been tallied, but you'll just have to wait a little bit to find out the winners. We're going to get all the first round contestants out and voted on, before moving on to the later rounds. Anyways, your votes go below:
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1 Tomato vs 16 Eggplant
Tomatoes are possibly the number one overall seed here in this tournament. That's saying a lot. But tomatoes are awesome. They pretty much work with everything. They're like bacon, only more versatile. They make sandwiches better, they make pasta better, they make salads better. Shit, they're even amazing on their own. I eat them like an apple. Just bite right into the thing. And yes, we know that botanically they are a fruit, but like we said, we are going full culinary on this thing. Thus tomatoes are vegetables. Eggplants on the other hand, weird as fuck. They are purple. Naturally. That freaks me out. Grapes aren't even really purple. But eggplants rock the violet coloring. They taste OK, I guess. The only thing I've ever heard them being made with or into is eggplant parm, and excuse me, but you don't go and fuck with an established meal like chicken parm by substituting a vegetable in place of meat. Hear me vegans?
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2 Corn vs 15 Beets
Corn on the cob rocks my world. One of the biggest disappointments when I had braces was not being able to successfully eat corn on the cob. Sure, you could cut it off, but that ruined it. Corn is delicious in the summertime (and winter, too) when you're outside at a BBQ and you've got the thing covered in salt and butter. Damn. So good. Plus these days, pretty much everything is made of some kind of corn derivative, so I think it belongs pretty high on this list. I'll be honest about beets, though. Pretty much the only reason beets are up here is Dwight K Schrute. Beets are gross. I've had beet beer before. Not for me. I think it's safe to say that corn will take care of business.
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3 Potatoes vs 14 Peas
This is for all you Irish descendants out there. Potatoes are pretty damn good. But they are like a blank canvas. You need to add something to them otherwise they are blander than bland. But once you add literally anything to them, they are delicious. Bacon, cheese, butter, gravy, shit even herbs and spices. Doesn't take much. But they're good. Peas are also good, depending on which kind you like. Sweet peas are great. I could eat a can of them with a spoon. But sugar snap peas, meh. My mom loves them, but I couldn't care less if they disappeared off the face of the earth. And maybe that's the thing with peas. Peapole (get it) have very specific preferences regarding these veggies. That could be a tough obstacle to overcome here in this tournament.
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4 Peppers (all) vs 13 Sweet Potatoes (yams)
Peppers come in many forms. OK basically two general groups. Sweet and hot (kinda like me... bam!). Bell peppers (the sweet kind) are red yellow and green. Don't know why, but I only like the green ones. Red and yellow can fuck off. The hot peppers have like 50 million different kinds between jalapeno, chipotle, habanero, etc. Some people love the hot shit. I can't really handle it. But I do love me some green peppers. I don't really like sweet potatoes, or for our native friends, it's close cousin the yam. The rest of my family can gorge themselves on sweet potato fries and I'll kindly pass on them. I'm thinking I might be adopted. But sweet potatoes never did anything for me. I'd rather have a regular potato.
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5 Carrots vs 12 Beans (other)
When I was a kid, pretending to be Bugs Bunny/Groucho Marx by chomping on the end of a carrot was great. Fresh picked carrots are so delicious, too. Who cares if there's some dirt still on them. Adds flavor. Carrots are really good for you too. Help your eyesight. Work well in salads or on their own. I don't think I know anyone who doesn't like carrots. They originated in Afghanistan, too. Maybe carrots can be the world unifier. To discuss carrot's competitor, I give you this rhyme:
Beans beans the musical fruit vegetable, the more you eat the more you toot. The more you toot the better you feel, so let's eat beans at every meal!
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6 Lettuce and Leafy Greens vs 11 Celery
Lettuce is like potatoes. A blank canvas on which to draw your meal. Salads can't be real salads without lettuce. Lettuce helps add the crisp crunch on tacos or hamburgers. And Lettuce makes you feel better about yourself when you put together that heart attack inducing sandwich but add the single lettuce leaf to make it more "healthy". Lettuce and cabbage and other leafy greens have tons of fiber in them. Fiber helps you poop better. Lettuce is just looking out for your well-being people. Give lettuce some credit. Celery and peanut butter is like the most healthy and yet most awesome kid snack ever. Celery adds a little kick to regular salads as well as the fancy salads like tuna and chicken salads. Plus, the book The Celery Stalks at Midnight rocked my world as a kid.
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7 Onions vs 10 Broccoli
Onions are another one of the things you can't really eat on it's own. Tastes kinda weird by itself. But mix it with something else and you got yourself a different story. On sandwiches, burgers, salads, pizza, you name it, onion kicks it up a notch. Broccoli is one of my favorite vegetables, but it gets no love from the rest of the world. Raw or cooked, broccoli is really good. And it's good for you. You don't have to add anything to broccoli to make it good. It's a loner. Maybe that's why broccoli is so misunderstood.
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8 String (Green) beans vs 9 Cucumbers
String beans (yes that's what I call them, fuck off) are one of those few things in the world where you can mindlessly munch on them and not feel bad about yourself for it. I used to pick the ends off those bitches, but not anymore. I go whole hog and chow down on the end of the stem and the freaky little tail thing. I don't like these bad boys cooked, but many people do. If that's your thing, I see your point. But raw string beans are pretty damn awesome. On the other hand, cucumbers are probably good. I wouldn't really know, I never developed a taste for them. But instead of saying they aren't good, I'll let you in on a pathetic little secret. I don't eat pickles or cucumbers. Why not? Because my older sister likes them. Check that, she loves them. Yup, that's right. I don't eat those things because as a kid, I didn't want to like the same things my sister did and refused to eat pickles or cucumbers. I was a sad child.
So there you have it. The vegetable region. Vote early and vote often. Cheese region will be coming soon. Get your lactaid pills ready.
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