| 02 September 2010
Yeah it was cheap, but that BSU guy still looks like a douche.
What, did you think we left you? We wouldn't miss this for the world. After the jump, The North End Zone is back up in yo ass with the resurrection....
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Non-Metallica Pump-Up Song of the Week
Since we have some pretty badass black jerseys for this game...
Pic via GC
…we went with a classic.
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Holy. Balls. IT’S HEEEEEEEEEEERE!!!
It is freaking gametime, ladies and gentlemen! The weather is (semi) cool, the turf is GREEN (as it should be), and the Hokies are ready to roll. In 3 days, the best 4 months of your life kicks off in Landover, Md.
On Monday, nothing else matters. This game is more important than your wife, your kids, and your job COMBINED. The only thing equally important is getting alcohol. And that should be taken care of by Friday night.
We have an opportunity to do something amazing. We can get the sporting world to turn on its axis, and stop talking about Boise State ALL THE TTIME. If we win this game, the Broncos are done for the season. That means we have at least 300 days of not having to hear about this po-dunk team from Idaho.
Seriously, can we talk about this? They are from freaking IDAHO. Look, I was born and raised in West Virginia. You know what state West Virginians make fun of? Idaho.
What are they even called? Idahoians? Idahoites? Potato People? The truth: NO ONE KNOWS.
Oooooh and that blue turf. That f*cking blue turf.
When I was 10, I thought the turf was cool. Know who else thinks it’s cool? Other ten year olds. Your field is the Chris Berman of playing surfaces.
I don’t want this to turn into another HateFest, but it’s kind of what we do here. And that turf gives people seizures.
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The Bad Guys
Boise State returns 21 of 22 starters. Know why? Cuz none of them were good enough to leave early.
Oh man, you guys return a bunch of dudes that didn’t really beat anyone last year? Wow, we’re shaking in our boots.
Know Your Opponent
#1 Titus Young, WR
See? We knew he wasn't dead.
Sadly, like most teams lacking actual talent, the Broncos utilize a gimmicky offense. If Bud Foster has a kryptonite, it’s gimmicky offenses.
Georgia Tech made us look absolutely stupid last year, and WVU had our number when they started using misdirection. If there is one thing that will lose us the game, it will be not figuring out the Bronco’s unique (aka so retarded we didn’t think they’d use it) offense
On the defensive side of the ball, well… I tried to find information on their defense. All I got was a lot of “this guy is going to make the WAC All-Defensive Team.” Well whopptie-shit. Wow, they’re good players in a terrible conference. Have they even seen a running back like RMFW?
Speaking of…
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The Good Guys
The conversation obviously starts with RMFW. This guy is so awesome, we ran out of larges and extra-larges AGAIN in the t-shirts. (More have been ordered, get yours reserved today!)
If he puts up a big number Monday, look for his name to be squarely in the middle of Heisman discussion. WE’RE NOT SAYING HE WILL WIN IT. But man, wouldn’t it be cool just to have a contender for once? Yeah it would.
Anyways, this guy is going to be a monster. We’re not sure exactly what our line will look like, but if 10 years of Hokie-dom has taught me anything, it’s that our o-line will suck.
But it doesn’t matter. RMFW will bowl you over if you have a free shot at him and a baseball bat. And what happens when he gets tired? We spell him with his brother-in-arms, Darren Evans.
The question is, as usual, Tyrod Taylor. Are we going to get the Maryland Tyrod, or the Nebraska Tyrod. The Cornhuskers game was on ESPN Classic a few weeks ago, and let me tell you, abysmal doesn’t begin to describe our offense that day. If he comes to play, look out. It could be a 30 point day… which is good for us.
On the other side of the ball, apparently we’ve lost everybody and OMFG we have to “rebuild”!!!
…beathe…
HAHAHAHAHA!!!!!
Yeah, last time we had a rebuilding year on defense we only finished 10th in the country in total defense. We don’t rebuild. We don’t even reload. Our defense is a freaking machine gun, and Kellen Moore is a gangster on St. Valentine’s Day.
A St. Valentine’s Day Massacre reference? You got it!
With The Grimm Reaper gone, we will need to find someone to be the monster this year. Our pick: John Graves.
Graves jumps for Sandman while lifting 300 lbs.
Graves has to be a monster if we’re going to stop this BS offense (see what I did there?). Other than that, I dunno, we probably have to stop the passing game or something.
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The Game
If we told you there would be a parade of midgets and free beer at FedEx Field, it wouldn’t make this game any crazier. You know who watched the Orange Bowl when we beat Cincinnati? No one.
The entire country will be watching this game. The entire country will be counting down the hours until this one kicks off. And it’s right in our back yard.
The place will be 90% Hokies, 9% people that don’t care, and 1% Boise State parents. It won’t be as loud as Lane, mainly because FedEx is the worst stadium ever. At least the field is green, though.
There’s about 50 different ways for this game to play out. Either team could win by 20, or it might go into 5 overtimes.
Our prediction: nervousness. All game. Bring some extra pants, because you will be shitting yourself all night. This will be a stressful, stressful game.
So get your beer, get you lucky shirt, and get drunk, because we’re about to ruin the state of Idaho’s entire year.
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Pump-Up Movie of the Week
On recommendation from The Northerner, the North End Zone presents....
ThanksKilling
That trailer… is just… WOW.
Gobble Gobble Motherfucker!! You just got STUFFED!
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Replacement Offensive Coordinator of the Week
So Voldemort had a decent year last year. One random ok season does not a good offensive coordinator make.
We’d like to go with the turkey from ThanksKilling, but we assume he dies in the end. Shame.
So where do we turn when we want someone to tame some broncos?
We look to the west. We look for some cowboys...
We work for Coach Beamer as regulators.
We regulate any Broncos on his property.
We're damn good at it too.
Coach Beamer's got a soft spot for badasses--- rip-your-head-off---eat your children types...
But you can't be any geek off the street...
you gotta be handy with the steel, if you know what I mean, earn your keep.
REGULATORS!!!!!!!
MOUNT UP!!
LET'S GO HOKIES!!!
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