| 24 February 2011
Every chance we get.
An ACTUAL game preview during basketball season? Congratulations, North End Zone reader(s), your wish is granted. After the jump, we pretend to know what we’re talking about. Why should this be any different from football season?
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Bart: Hey Otto, I gotta use the bathroom.
Otto: Say it in snowboard.
Bart: I gotta blast a dookie?
Otto: Dook-on!
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Non-Metallica Pump-Up Song of the Week
Hurt by that loss to UVA? Beating #1 Duke should take that pain away.
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So we kicked the shit out of Wake Forest, which was great. This, of course, after we shit the bed against UVA and placed ourselves squarely on the bubble again. Losing big bowl games and being bubblicious, THAT’S WHAT VIRGINIA TECH DOES!
But we always play well at home on Saturdays, no matter the sport. And basketball seems to be the only sport in which we can beat a #1 team.
Since joining the ACC, we have not played a Duke team ranked lower than 7th. We’ve beaten them twice with another loss due to a last-second half courter. Also since joining the conference, we’re 2-3 against #1 teams. YAY RESEARCH!!
Now, let’s get into what we do best: unsupported analysis and unabashed hatred!
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The Bad Guys
Fuck Duke.
Per usual, Duke is white and has a bunch of shooters.
Also, their fan base is a bunch of douchey trust fund babies that make UVA students seem as pretentious as a homeless person.
Do you need to know anything else?
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The Good Guys
Hooooo boy. This team just cannot figure out if it wants to be good or not. Turnovers. Abysmal shooting. Habitual marijuana use. Folks, we have a lot of issues.
But we came to play against Wake, and you can bet we’ll come to play against #1 Duke, at home, with Gameday in the house.
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D_w’s Keys to the Game
Why do we use bullet points? Cuz we’re freaking lazy. Take it away, guy that doesn’t post shit:
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Transition Game.. Hokies need to keep the Dookies on their heels, move the ball fast up the court, don't let them get set in a defense.
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Post Points.. the Plumlee brothers are scrubs, bust them up, and force Singler to move inside the 3 point line.
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Bench.. Seth needs to work the bench, we have some streaky players that can give us some solid points from the bench, but they can't do that if they don't play.
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Break the Press.. Duke will take this game seriously, look for the press to come out early in the game to try and force Seth to get our bench players in sooner rather than later due to fatigue.
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Misunderstanding of the Week
Coming in late to conversations can be rough. Here is what I heard…
Girl 1: I used to like Coach.
Girl 2: Me too!
Me: Oh yeah, I used to love Coach!
Girl 1 & 2: [blank, slightly frightened stares]
Their Coach...
My Coach...
Girls and boys are different.
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Lewis Black-esque Story of the Week
In a desperate attempt to get beer, I travelled into one of the not-so-nice parts of Pittsburgh. Upon exiting the beer distributor, I heard the following quote from a gentleman across the street:
“Bitch, I wouldn’t have gone to jail if you had woke me up on time!”
As Lewis Black says, most of the things you hear go in one ear and out the other. No further processing necessary. But every once in a while, you hear a phrase so absurd that your brain decides, “LET’S FIGURE IT OUT!”
I have soooo many questions to ask…
Why in the hell would waking up on time keep you out of jail? Why did you rely on a girl to do that for you? Don’t you have an alarm clock? You have a cell phone, I’m sure it has an alarm function. How did you eventually get out of jail? How late did you sleep that it caused you to go to prison? Is waking up after 11 am going to send people to jail? Seriously, HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU GO TO JAIL BECAUSE YOU WERE ASLEEP???
This is why I missed 3 classes this week.
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Hokie Motivator of the Week
The CMU Football Analyst would like to remind Dookies that they still suck ass in football.
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Hokie Hero
With Duke, we generally go with Father Karras. But we have to keep things spicy around here, or no one would read. Not that they would anyways. But whatevs.
But the fact remains that, if you want to beat a devil, you need men of God.
And who better than men that we’re in a mission from the man himself...
It’s 48 hours until game time, we’ve got a full Cassell Coliseum, half a pack of rabid students, it’s dark, and we’re wearing leftover RMFW t-shrits.
Hit it.
LET’S GO HOKIES!!!
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