| 20 October 2011
Since the departure of Matt “Douche Face” Ryan, Boston College has collapsed faster than the Libyan government.
The annual drubbing of pretentious Boston people commences this Saturday at 3pm.
The weekly use of and references to other people’s property commences after the jump…
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Non-Metallica Pump-Up Song of the Week
Prayer of the Refugee? Sounds like something made for those still stuck in the Big East.
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I’m not gonna lie to you… Your humble editor was not able to watch the Wake Forest game. It was half gamecast, half radio, half drunk friends texting. From what I can piece together, it seemed that the crowd was about 110% Hokies, which everyone pretty much expected. Wake Forest is like a big high school.
Both the offense and defense apparently decided to show up in the 2nd quarter, which is fine against a team like Wake Forest. But it still makes us nervous.
Look, the team should be totally prepared for BC and Duke. They should not be looking ahead at all.
However, those of us in the “drunk blogger / drunk fan” demographic can absolutely look ahead. So let’s call a spade a spade here: We’ve got two warm-up games.
Every part of our team needs to be clicking by the time we roll into Atlanta. We’ve got two weeks, so let’s start kicking one of our favorite puppies around…
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The Bad Guys
The Eagles are 1-5. That’s really all you need to know.
But if you’d like to learn a little bit more…
They lost to Northwestern and Duke. At home. They lost the Duke game in hilarious fashion, missing a 23-yard field goal with 43 seconds left. Couldn’t have happened to a better team. Or fans, if they existed. If BC played Miami at a neutral site, there’d be more vendors in the stadium than actual fans.
Frank Spaziani is still their coach, and he’s still a HUGE tool bag.
Some people can pull off a mustache. Some people can pull off a visor. You can do neither.
Their offense sucks. Their defense sucks. Their fans suck. Their coach sucks.
This is starting to get depressing. Let’s move on.
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The Good Guys
Again, we’re not the best source for analysis on how we looked against Wake. We know that DMFW, Boykin, and The Tank Engine all looked solid. For 3 quarters at least.
And it appears to have been the same deal with our defense.
We’re not worried about our team in this game, but we have some work to do. And we’ve got a great opportunity to work on that.
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The Game
If anyone thinks this game is bigger than the ECU game, they are kidding themselves. BC is one of the biggest cupcakes on our schedule. They may not win another game this year.
That said, let’s just kick the shit out of this team. Just for fun. We hate everything about this team. Maybe the Big East can take them back.
For those of us not going to the game, we should prepare ourselves to watch tha stupid f***cking Flutie pass over and over.
That said, did everyone know that Flutie’s daughter is a Patriots cheerleader?
All the more reason to hate Boston.
Let’s have a discussion between College Graduate and a current college student, from just the college graduate’s side…
College Grad: Listen, I know she looks good, but notice those eyes. Those are what we call “crazy eyes”, son. And those… you want to avoid!
…
College Grad: Yes, I know she does, but there is a lot of crazy that comes with that.
…
College Grad: Yes, I know how awesome it is. But in the long run, it is not worth it. You’re just going to have to trust me.
Somehow, this preview went from talking about a game to talking about crazy ladies. You’re welcome, viewing public.
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Zombie Kill of the Week
Each week, D_w gives us his Zombie Kill of the Week. Now, nut up or shut up.
Zombie Kill is back for a third week in a row... did anyone else hear that? I think it was C.Gally's head exploding. Anyway, we have been seeing a lot of the Logan Thomas Tank Engine show for the Zombie Kills, so you'll be pleased to see the defense step it up against Wake Forest and show up with some big hits. Wake Forest runs a crappy screen play that almost gets broken up at the line but good thing it didn't because #42 red shirt sophomore J. R. Collins gets to make his first Zombie Kill appearance with an assist from one of the Hopkins brothers #98 Derrick Hopkins.
Nothing like a big hit after a 30 yard gain.
But hey, we’ll take it. At least our QB isn’t getting all of them.
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Virginia Tech Themed Commercial of the Week
By now, you’ve all seen the Virginia Tech Hyundai commercial. But if not, here ya go:
Ok, once we got over the initial awesomeness, we have to ask…
F***ING SANDSTORM??? REALLY??? Did Hyundai even talk to anyone from Tech about this? If you can’t get Enter Sandman, just play our fight song. What is wrong with you? Sandstorm??
This could have been the single greatest commercial to ever air in America. But instead… Sandstorm.
People should just continue not buying Hyundai.
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This Week in "F You ESPN"
Seriously. Notre Dame on the front page.
How do I put this delicately… NO ONE F***ING CARES ABOUT NOTRE DAME!!
I’m not saying Tech needs to be on the front or anything. But Notre Dame is 4-2. Are you kidding me? They are about as relevant to college football as good penmanship is to NASCAR.
Your humble editor attended the Notre Dame – Pitt ..ummm… “game”. It was like watching blind 4th graders play dodgeball.
Or bombardment.
This is what ESPN does to sports. It did it with baseball, and now it’s doing it will college football.
Has anyone watched College Gameday lately? Here’s how each segment goes:
Talk about SEC.
Talk about Big Ten.
Briefly mention game currently attending (unless SEC or Big Ten).
Commercial.
Repeat.
ESPN wants you to care about what they care about. And that is lowest common denominator discussion that will give the highest ratings possible. Why else would Mike Greenburg have any airtime whatsoever?
Yes, “F You ESPN” is a new segment. But based on what we’ve seen, this is likely going to be repeated each week.
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Avid Reader Comment of the Week
With all the hate that goes on around this site, we’d like to talk about something that we love: Reader Comments.
Why do we love them? For many reasons:
1. We know that people other than our parents are reading.
2. We don’t have to come up with funny content on our own (always a bad idea)
3. The comments are usually funnier than anything we could think up.
This week’s award goes to avid reader Williamiadams05:
Mr. Herbert can suck it.
We love any comment that starts out telling a noted pedophile to “suck it.” Well played, sir. Well played.
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Hokie Motivator of the Week
Each week, the Carnegie Mellon Football Analyst submits his own Hokie Motivator.
Our thoughts on that play?
Oh, and how about Student Affairs just taking our motivation idea and putting out their own WITH NO CREDIT GIVEN.
Everyone knows we invented motivators. WHO SAID WE DIDN’T?!?!
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Gratuitous Dumb and Dumber Quote of the Week
Yes, we're stealing this straight from Deadspin's Jamboroo. No, we don't care.
Harry: Hi, Lloyd.
Lloyd: Hi, Harry.
Harry: How was your day?
Lloyd: Not bad. Fell off the jet way again.
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Replacement Voldemort of the Week
This week was tough. There's so much we hate about Boston, but many people we can go with that aren't completely offensive.So let's just go with one of the greatest people to walk the earth.
This man knows who he is, and he doesn't care what anyone else thinks...
Disco Stu
We don't think any more needs to be said.
LET’S GO HOKIES!!
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