| 27 October 2011
We'll stop using this picture when it stops being awesome.
Man, screw Dook.
More of that, after the jump...
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Non-Metallica Pump-Up Song of the Week
You knew it was coming at some point this season.
We dedicate this song to Voldemort, who’s been pretending to know how to run an offense for a while now.
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So that BC game... Wow. Who feels confident after that wonderful display? Let me get something off my chest..
Six carries for DMFW in the first half?!?! What in the hell is that??
Was that really Voldemort's great game plan?? Run one of the top backs in the league six times??
Beamer is quoted as saying that "We need to get Wilson inolved in more plays."
Yiu are the f***ing coach!!! That's your call! You get to decide how often he gets the ball. It's your job, in fact.
Imagine telling your wife / girlfriend / significant doll that you think they deserve gifts more often. Any idea who controls that?
It took DMFW saying to Shane Beamer at half, "I think we should run the ball more." This is what we're reduced to. A guy being paid nothing is coming up with better offensive plans than our coaching staff.
On second thought, that comes as no surprise whatsoever.
We’re only surprised that they actually listened to him.
Oh, and defense? Good job.
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The Bad Guys
So. Duke. We meet again. Sure we've kicked your ass time and time again, and this time will be no different, but forgive us if we continue to take pleasure in your ineptitude.
It's difficult to come up with the most insufferable fans in America. And by "difficult" we mean to say the answer is Duke.
The best part about playing them all the time is that the entire country is rooting for us.
As for the football team… who knows. Your humble editor is still drunk from the Penguin’s game (GO PENS!!) and is too lazy to look anything up.
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The Good Guys
The big news this week is that Bruce Taylor is out for the year. Any analysis further than saying “SHIT!” is pointless.
It sucks. Straight up.
But the great thing about this defense is there are no excuses. No matter the situation, the level of play is expected to remain the same.
And it better, because our offensive coaches have decided to just say “screw it” and run whatever the hell they feel like.
That's all we got. See above about the hockey game.
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The Game
Duke is better than BC. If you’re kinda nervous about this game, you should be.
We are WAAAAY better than them. Our players are way better than them. But evidence has added up over the past 8 weeks that we have no idea what we are doing on offense.
6 points against Boston College in the first half? We were lucky to not be down by 20.
We can’t make mistakes like that every week and just expect it to be ok. And this is one of those weeks.
All that said, Dook sucks. We roll, but prepared to be frustrated.
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Zombie Kill of the Week
Each week, D_w gives us his Zombie Kill of the Week. Now, nut up or shut up.
I’d like to apologize for the low quality of the video this week, but the bandwidth here at work was causing problems for streaming video this morning. Apparently they don't care about a quality internet experience at work.
Well we get to see another player from the defensive side of the ball in this week’s Zombie Kill. Bud Foster must have been pissed seeing the Zombie Kills go to the offense (Yes, we believe Bud Foster does read the preview each week). For those of you who actually watched the game on TV you were probably just returning from the bathroom after vomiting* to see Antone Exum level one of the D-Bags from BC.
Glad to see there are still some hits over the middle that are legal in football.
**Vomiting is a known side effect after seeing highlights of Matt "He Who Shall Not Be Named" Ryan's last visit to Blacksburg.
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Random College Football Attended of the Week
Your humble editor attended the Pitt – UCONN game on Wednesday night.
Why? Because I got free tickets and beer. And I’d never actually witnessed a 3-hour dry heave in person before.
I was in good company, as at least 5,000 other people decided to show up.
We’ve already accepted Pitt into the conference. Whatevs.
Odds are we will eventually take UCONN. Ugh.
The mediocrity of ACC football has all but been assured. If anyone else out there watched this game (what is wrong with you?), then you know what I’m talking about.
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This Week in F You ESPN
Gene Wojciechowski is just a freaking joke.
Well, it's nice to see that Notre Dame is only a few dotted I's and crossed T's from joining the ACC as a full-time member. Like many of you, I can't wait until the big ND-North Carolina State game.
Oh, wait -- an ACC merger deal with the Irish isn't done yet? I'm confused.
Didn't ACC commish John Swofford recently and openly discuss a hypothetical involving the possible availability of Notre Dame? Hasn't Duke hoops coach Mike Krzyzewski all but given his powerful blessings to the move, but with one provision: ND has to agree to equal revenue sharing? Didn't NC State basketball coach Mark Gottfried, when discussing ACC expansion and the Irish, tell ESPN's Andy Katz, "I don't think this is over yet"?
So now the ACC is just waiting for the paperwork from Notre Dame and we're good to go, right?
How in the CRAP do you draw any conclusions from that? The ACC commish said he’d be open to taking Notre Dame, Coach K said he’s down, and some no-name jackass coach said he’s ok with it as well? I am SHOCKED that it is not a done deal.
Seriously, I bet Gene had a lot of awkward conversations when he was younger with girls that he thought he was dating.
He goes on to talk about how Notre Dame could basically roll over the ACC, while the Big Ten would be soooo much tougher. Really? The Big Ten is the most overrated conference in the country. Everyone is slow and boring, and unless they’re playing Notre Dame, they tend to get their asses kicked.
Is the ACC any better? I don’t think so. But at least we’re not posers.
So yeah. F ESPN and F the Big Ten.
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Avid Reader Comment of the Week
With all the hate that goes on around this site, we’d like to talk about something that we love: Reader Comments.
Why do we love them? For many reasons:
1. We know that people other than our parents are reading.
2. We don’t have to come up with funny content on our own (always a bad idea)
3. The comments are usually funnier than anything we could think up.
This week’s award goes to avid reader / terrible prognosticator Maniak, for his apt critique of the Boston College Preview:
yes i'm reading this on sunday. so f*** me. but this was by far and away the BEST pregame writeup ever. props boys.
For the last time, we will not f*** you. But heap lots of praise upon us and we will probably post whatever you write. We are narcissistic jagoffs.
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Hilarious Marathon Map of the Week
Submitted without comment...
Good luck to anyone running in the Marine Corps Marathon in DC. Maybe you're just trying it out. Just to see how it feels.
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Hokie Motivator of the Week
Each week, the Carnegie Mellon Football Analyst submits his own Hokie Motivator.
..except this week, since he’s pretty lame.
Your humble editor had to go through the trouble of coming up with one this week. Which is good, because I’m WAY funnier.
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Gratuitous Dumb and Dumber Quote of the Week
Yes, we're stealing this straight from Deadspin's Jamboroo. No, we don't care.
Lloyd: Why you going to the airport? Flying somewhere?
Mary: How'd you guess?
Lloyd: I saw your luggage. Then when I noticed the airline ticket, I put 2 and 2 together.
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Replacement Voldemort of the Week*
*Props to commenter LaF for the correction below...
Enough of this.
We need a man with a plan.
A plan that works.
We need a master.
We need...
Master Splinter.
LET’S GO HOKIES!!
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