Written by C Gally | 01 September 2011

You can see it coming...


No intro. Just preview after the drunk… I mean jump…

 

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Before we do anything, just watch this video. It will give you an idea about what we are up against:

Big ups to the Hokie Guru for that one. We will forward you our therapist bills.

Non-Metallica Pump Up Song of the Week

Hey! The guys from Jimmy Eat World are still alive! Neat.

Our best theory? Tech wins. 

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It feels like we start the first preview in the same manner each year. And you know what? We don’t freaking care…

OMGOMGOMG!!!  IT’S HERE!!!

The Virginia Tech football season kicks off this Saturday, and we could not be more pumped.

Since January, you’ve tried to fill the void in your life with things like work or family or Hokie basketball. And still the void remained.

Finally, the time has come. We play in another HUGE opening game. National TV against a national power… oh wait, we play a FCS school to open? EVEN BETTER!

Look, we love the spotlight we’ve had the past few openers. It’s great for recruiting and all that. But it is nice to be favored in our opener for once.

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The Bad Guys

Are you seriously asking us to scout this team? You clearly don’t know how much we value our NBA Jam time.

Their mascot is the Mountaineers. Isn’t that enough to get you enraged?

Yes, your humble editor is from Morgantown.
No, he doesn't want to talk about it. 

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The Good Guys

Here’s what we really care about. Let’s roll through our team, breaking it down in the same way you’ve already read on every site covering college football:

Logan Thomas – We’re not looking for him to light the world on fire, but a solid performance Saturday would give everyone some confidence about the future. Our prediction? He does just fine, especially with Boykin, Coles, and DMFW helping him out.

DMFW (yeah, we’re making that happen, SHIRTS ON SALE NOW!!) – Remember that time we lost three of our best offensive weapons in school history in the same year? No you don’t, because David Wilson is gonna make up for all of them.

Relatively Unknown Offensive Player – At some point this year, someone is going to step up. Nickname alert is at 11.

Offensive Coordination – We’re hoping to have it this year.

Defense – Well, we can’t do much worse than last year.

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The Game

Well, we can’t do much worse than last year.

Look, we’re not gonna dwell on the disaster that was our FCS game last year. It happened, whatevs.

The fact is, we are SOOOOO much better than this team. And after last year’s debacle, we should run the score up as high as possible without risking injury. 80-3? WE DON’T CARE.

Your humble editor won’t be making this game, mainly due to the fact that it’s App State and five and a half hours is a LOOOONG way to go for that. After I get totally from this MBA*, I’m definitely building a monster airport in Blacksburg.

*I’m taking a “How to Win the Lottery” class this semester

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Hokie Motivator of the Week

As usual, the CMU Football Analyst tries his best to demolish his inner nerd and concentrate on college football. His entry this week:

“No, it’s not Ann Arbor. It’s Blacksburg. The site of the 2^nd worst upset in college football history”… is what we would have said if this wasn’t a jack ass blog!

Yeah, this isn’t Ann Arbor. We have fans that actually cheer. And stand. And don’t kick out great coaches. And don’t hire in coaches that make WVU students look like altar boys.

God, Michigan sucks. Does everyone else agree?

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Voldemort Replacement of the Week

For those of you new to our little corner of the internet, we try to avoid using our Offensive Coordinator's name. So we've taken to calling him Voldemort. Though we're fairly certain the real Voldy could put together a top 25 offense more than once a decade.

So we need to replace Voldemort, even though he's not calling the plays. We don't really know what he does now, but that's ok. He doesn't know what he's doing...ever.

Since App State is located in Boone, NC, the Northerner and I tried to find a proper replacement for this game. The conversation went as follows:

CGally: We need a repacement.
The Northerner: We could use Daniel Boone, but that's really their hero.
CGally: Well, did anyone kill Daniel Boone?
The Northerner: I'm looking now... F*ck... natural causes

So that was out.

But since Voldy is out of the play calling role this year, it seems proper to go with his sworn enemy. The only person to defeat him...

Severus Snape

We were gonna go with Harry Potter, but Snape is like a thousand times more badass. He's like General Sherman, but with magic.
 
  

LET'S GO HOKIES!!!

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