Another sabbatical, but who wouldn't during times like these? Listen, we're trying our best not to get angry, but Greenberg is making it extremely tough. Since our last post for basketball, we've gone 3-3, so perhaps that might be the key. However, since we are playing rival Virginia tonight, there is absolutely no reason you awesome delusional readers shouldn't get a write-up. So, go ahead and click the jump to read a bit more about this game we have going on tonight. We don't think that's too much to ask.

Seth, you kinda suck now

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Actually, if we're being honest, upper management (i.e., C Gally) told me to write or die. Yeah, pretty serious, right? Ironically, when he said that, I happened to be watching the South Park episode where the school was voting on a new mascot. 

Yeah, C Gally actually sent PDiddy to my house

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Rant on past six games

Yeah, I know I have been slacking, but would you people have read this stuff anyway? Anyway, as pointed out in the introduction, we are 3-3 since I last wrote an article. That's not too shabby. Then again, those wins have come against bottom feeders in the ACC (Clemson, BC, GT) and we beat all of them by a combined 4 points. Talk about domination. We also blew a 14 point lead with 14 minutes to play against Florida State. Awesome.

So, let's take a moment to reflect on what The Northerner had to say. It's true - it really is time for Seth to go. People can blame this team on youth and injuries, but that is just a load of crap. When Zabe and Gordon were both freshmen, we were able to win over 20 games. We've also been injured the last 3-4 years, but we never used that as an excuse. The bottom line is we have a completely inept offense and when things start getting good (see FSU), we go into Beamer/Stiney mode and try and kill the clock. Against Clemson we did that and nearly lost. The same thing happened against FSU and we lost on a buzzer beater (though, wtf happened on all those free throws??). 

Lastly, when you can only beat teams like GT and BC by one point you know your team is just awful. Plus we needed an overtime to beat GT. That's absolutely pathetic. Not to mention the plays Greenberg drew up at the end of regulation and OT were just horrible, but we know everyone saw that. What's even more hilarious?? After we won on that buzzer beater, security actually lined up to make sure nobody rushed the court. HA. Why in the hell would we rush the court after beating a piss poor GT team we should have beaten in the first place?

Anyway, the bottom line is that YMCA basketball leagues run better offenses than us. How is that possible when we have 18-22 year old men? Because Greenberg sucks at building an offense, that's how. So that's the rant on our past six games. We should have been 4-2, but we're lucky not to have gone 0-6.

Looks better than our offense!

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Basketball Fail of the Week

OK, this week we bring you not a missed dunk nor missed free throw. It is something completely different and so bizarre, you just have to wonder what exactly was going through this player's head.

Honestly, where in the hell is Javale McGee going? He just sprints down to the other end of the court when his team has the ball. Honestly, how are you not paying attention to who gets the rebound? What a f*cking bonehead. Don't worry that you are making millions of dollars each year - no problem at all. But c'mon man! At least KNOW who has the ball and pay attention! Gah. No wonder so many people dislike the NBA!

So, thank you, Javale McGee, for providing us this week's basketball fail of the week!

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Tweet of the Week

This week, we call your attention to Enter Sandman. Usually, this is a great song that gets EVERYONE pumped up for football games. However, why in the hell is it being played for basketball, too? Honestly, get your own f*cking song. Now, it may not be the fault of the team, but whoever thought it was a good idea to play it for basketball is just plain stupid. With that said, we bring you a tweet that really sums it all up:

"Playing Enter Sandman is like the ugly sis wearing her hot older sis' shirt. Boobs aren't as nice and it just doesn't fit right."

We couldn't have said it better ourselves. Yes, it's a badass song that never gets old, but it's MADE FOR FOOTBALL. Just stop playing it for hoops already. Once is one too many and anything after that is even worse.

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The Good Guys

So, are we ever going to stick with a starting lineup? It seems like we are changing it up every week. The cool thing is that Davila has been hurt, so we've been able to watch what life would be like without him. Honestly, we didn't really miss much. Raines (when not in foul trouble) has some sweet post moves and plays pretty good defense. Rankin is looking very solid - plays good defense, makes smart decisions (for the most part), and while his jumper leaves a lot to be desired still, his game is slowly rounding into form. Finney-Smith and Eddie are still rather inconsistent and Green continues to do all that he can to keep us in ball games. 

But man, we still suck. Greenberg is constantly trying to lose us basketball games. For starters, against Clemson and FSU, we went into clock killing mode when we thought we had a big lead (sound familiar, football fans?) Again, we beat Clemson but how in the world did we let FSU come back? Why not just go for the jugular and crush their souls! When you bring in guys like Joey Racer, then you know the game is over. Second, how come we can only beat scrubs like GT and BC by a point? Again, to echo the earlier rant, it's time to let Seth go. In the game against GT, at the end of regulation, we called not one, but TWO timeouts with the end of regulation just seconds away. The result? Erick Green dribbling around and taking a contested jumper. Then, at the end of OT with the Hokies down 1, Green is streaking down the court with the entire GT defense completely off-guard and Seth calls a timeout. Wow. What happens there? We throw a crappy inbounds pass to Eddie who nearly loses it, then he somehow finds Hudson who takes an off-balanced three for the win. Yeah, just how Seth drew it up. WTF ARE YOU DOING GREENBERG?!?!?! It's like Cookie Monster being presented a fruit trey...

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The BooHoos

Well, we beat this team once in JPJ and that was sweet. So can we actually pull of the sweep? You bet your sweet ass we can. Or at least we hope so...but regardless, they have a decent team this year and they might be ranked, but we're not really sure because we just don't give a shit. They have a couple good players, none better than Mike Scott who we basically shut out the last time we played. This dude named Sammy can launch threes from mid-court and make them, so better not leave him open. We think Joe Harris is playing through a broken hand, so we may as well hand check the shit out of him. That's about all we got on the UVA team analysis. But really, we don't care. Just WIN.

OK, so who DOESN'T hate UVA? No matter where or when, we will always have a heated rivalry, at least in some sports. But not even...we basically have outdone them in the revenue sports and they beat us in all the sports that don't matter. Regardless, we hate them. Why you may ask?

1) They fired Al Groh. But it's okay, we still beat them 38-0 with Mike London at the helm.

2) They call themselves Wahoos. Why in the hell do they make fun of Hokies when they call themselves that?

3) Mr. Jefferson's university. Ugh, please. That just sounds SOOO douchey. Get over yourselves.

4) Mike London. He is such a bitch. All he does is cry and talk about how he is turning their football program around.

5) Wearing ties to football games. Why? Are we in prep school? Football games are for tailgating, sweating, and being loud. Why do you think wearing a tie to the game will help with that process?

6) Douchebag fans. Yeah, we all have them, but man, some of their fans are just the absolute worst. They say Hokie fans are all rednecks, but I guess they seem to forget what kind of boondocks exist out their way.

So anyway, nothing more to say here except 38-0 bitches and we beat you this year AT JPJ!  WOO! For more shenanigans and hate fest, check out a much older post: http://www.thenorthendzone.com/2009-articles/november/why-i-hate-uva-the-redux.html

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Celebrity Look-a-Like

Honestly, this is probably the best look-a-like we've ever had - then again, we haven't been doing the celebrity look-a-like section for very long now. However, this week it is awfully fitting.

Today, we focus on UVA head coach Tony Bennett. He doesn't seem like a bad person, but since he coaches for UVA, he is still a mega douche. The best part about his celebrity look-a-like is the douchiness of this guy. It's just absolutely perfect. So, without further adieu...

Tony Bennett, meet your celebrity match: Mr. John Cena. How cute. We couldn't have planned this to go any better.

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UVA Pump Up Video

Today, we bring you the ultimate pump up video. This game took place in November, but we will remember it for the rest of our lives. This, my friends, is a YouTube video recap of the VT-UVA game. BOOM.

 

GO HOKIES!!!