| 01 January 2012
Biggest game since the ’99 title game.
Are you ready?
Of course you’re not. We’ll get you there, after the jump…
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Non-Metallica Pump-Up Song of the Week
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Yeah, we said it.
Biggest game since the ’99 title game.
Think about it. Has there been a bigger game since? Sure, there were big games to start the season. Big games in conference. All those pesky ACC Championship games that UVA and Miami don’t have to worry about.
But none of them were as big as this game is on Tuesday night.
Virginia Tech is the one of the winningest (is that word?) football programs of the past ten years. And what do we have to show for it? We beat Cincinnati in the Orange Bowl and played close against Auburn the last time we were in New Orleans. Woooo.
This is the game, folks. This is one of the best opportunities we’ve ever had to show that we belong among college football’s elite.
NO ONE is giving us a chance in this game. Everyone says we don’t belong…
Well I say f*ck that. I say F*CK. THAT.
This is our chance to show everyone that we belong.
It sucks that this is what it comes down to: what a bunch of old people think. But that’s reality in the world of college football.
This is the best chance we’ve had to stake our claim among the elites since the last millennium.
We have to take it.
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The Bad Guys
This may be shocking to all of you, but we didn’t really do much research about Michigan.
I know, calm down. Breathe…
But we do know that they have Denard Robinson: an otherwise mediocre quarterback except for the fact that he plays at Michigan.
Oh. And he’s mobile. A mobile quarterback. Our Eleanor.
Do you think mobile quarterbacks can make completely unrealistic jumps on the Golden Gate Bridge?
So yeah. It’s going to be up to Bud to come up with a better game plan than he did for the ACC Championship Game.
He’s in New Orleans. We recommend taking Denard out on the town and making him miss curfew.
Wait, that’s not funny…
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The Good Guys
Look. You’re a f*cking kicker. You are BARELY on the team. If people went back to reinvent the game of football, you would no longer be a position.
You’d think these guys would do everything in their power to stay on the team, considering all this.
But noooooo. First, Journell gets arrested for his involvement in a home invasion. Seriously. This is a guy that attends one of the best schools in the country. He plays on a top ten football team. And he finds it necessary to rob people?? I wonder if he flooded the basement of the house…
Then, his replacement, Tyler Weiss, gets sent home from New Orleans for missing curfew. This is a little more understandable. A college kid stays out too late in New Orleans. I think we’ve all been there.
Had this been anyone but the replacement kicker, this wouldn’t even be a story. No one feels worse about it than he does. At least he wasn’t trying to be a f*cking cat burglar.
But yeah, we are sooooo screwed now. We only have Jsutin Myer, a relatively untested guy that specializes in kickoffs.
Look on the brightside. Maybe now we’ll actually have the balls to go for it on 4th and 4 from the other team’s 35.
As for the rest of the team? Well, again, no research. We just assume we’re going to kick ass. Who needs field goals anyways?
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The Game
Yeah. This game is freaking HUGE. This isn’t even about setting us up for next year. This is about losing the super clever “Chokies” moniker everyone likes to trot out when we lose big games.
But be prepared to get frustrated. It’s going to be a long game and will likely come down to the wire.
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Zombie Kill of the Week
If you think we’re doing a Zombie Kill for that Clemson game, you are out of your mind. The only impressive destruction during that game was the amount of alcohol our table consumed at the local Hokie bar in Pittsburgh.
Yes, Pittsburgh has a Virginia Tech bar (Woooo for Archie’s!), and we get more people there for Tech games than Pitt gets at their actual stadium.
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BE BETTER! of the Week
This is a new feature that will likely show up each week. We’ve used this phrase plenty in conversations outside of the NEZ. Basically, telling someone to BE BETTER is calling them out on being lazy or ignorant at something they’re supposed to do.
This week, our call out hits home.
BDubs. Our own employee. Calling Oklahoma State the Sooners.
For this incompetence, I’m withholding one month’s pay. You’ll have to wait until February before you get another RMFW t-shirt.
BE BETTER!!
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This Week in F You ESPN SI.com
Stuart Mandel is incredibly pissed that Virginia Tech was chosen for the Orange Bowl SUGAR Bowl (c'mon C Gally. BE BETTER! Or at least soberer). Just so so so so very angry! They were a horrible choice because they lost two games. This is an outrage!!
…Oh a lower ranked Michigan team was also chosen for the Sugar Bowl? Well, that’s fine. After all, they were good ten years ago.
But Virginia Tech?? ARGH!!!!
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What’s on Your Facebook of the Week
This video, most likely posted by a girl you haven’t spoken to since high school, followed by either “Love Love Love!” or “Tooooo Cute!!”
Wow. Joseph Gordon Levitt hasn’t been this deep in the Friend Zone since he went after Alex Mack in Ten Things I Hate About You.
"Why can't guys be more like you?"
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What’s on Your Facebook of the Week Take II
Well, this was at least on your humble editor’s newsfeed.
After the announcement that we’d be playing in the Sugar Bowl, WVU fans FLIPPED OUT. They were soooo pissed, and it was amazing. Nothing warms your heart like a bunch of scorned Mountaineers.
What’s even more hilarious is that for years, WVU made better bowl games than they deserved because they travelled well. Or at least better than other Big East teams.
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Avid Reader Comment of the Week
With all the hate that goes on around this site, we’d like to talk about something that we love: Reader Comments.
Why do we love them? For many reasons:
1. We know that people other than our parents are reading.
2. We don’t have to come up with funny content on our own (always a bad idea)
3. The comments are usually funnier than anything we could think up.
Yeah, we didn’t really post much these past few weeks. No one’s working. Some of us had finals they SHOULD have been studying for. Others were learning the only lesson to come from working in groups at business school: TRUST NO ONE.
But HokieUmp was able to jump on and brag about his Bowl Pick’em performance.
Picking games LIKE A BOSS. I don't have a lot of confidence points, but 9 of 10 - the only one, by the way - so far is going to let me talk about my mad pick'em skillz, yo.
Don't worry - like a true Hokie football fan, my September blitz will turn to mid/late season tears. So I'm talking my shit now, and gettin' it out of the way.
We can’t tell which entry is HokieUmp’s, but it’s safe to assume that at some point, he will manage to score only 3 points at home and ruin his season.
Speaking of Bowl Pick’em…
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Breaking Down the Bowl Pick ‘em Entries
No, I’m not going to talk about who’s doing well (not D_w) and who’s sucking ass (D_w). It’s way too early in the contest to figure it out (also, I’m too lazy/drunk to do it).
Instead, let’s take a look at the various entry names.
Simple Yet Effective
Stiney is Offensive (justin) – Well, he is, but he isn’t. I’m offended by the fact that Voldemrt thinks fans are stupid. That we can’t tell he’s horrible at coaching. But Voldy is certainly not offensive in the football sense. In fact, he’s anti-offensive. He’s like the Care Bears of football.
Chuck Norris Fears Bud Foster (sdstine) – Some people say that the Chuck Norris thing is played out. I would like to tell those people to get over themselves.
Kicking the NEZ bloggers asses (B) – Not all that difficult to do, actually.
References to The League
Kegel the elf (Rugo), Mr. McGibblet’s Crew (D_w) – Well, D_w finally did something worthwhile for the blog. Also, the other day, I went over to a house that had an elf on the shelf. I giggled for a good five minutes.
Solid TV / Movie References
Prestige Worldwide (tito) – “Why are you all sweaty?” “I was watching COPS.”
ALL HAIL THE HYPNOTOAD (No name was given, but we assume this is Hypnotoad) – Well, this is a dumb name for a… ALL GLORY TO THE HYPNOTOAD.
Just the Tep (Matt J) – This is a guy at CMU’s Tepper School of Business. Like any good Carnegie Mellon student, he’s 3 for 18 in his picks. Apparently, he wanted to just try out this Pick ‘em thing. Just to see how it feels.
Other
DougHed's Insanely Stupid Pick (Gdeak) – Well, this is either avid reader DougHed or someone that really really REALLY doesn’t think DougHed knows what he’s talking about.
Tino Sunseri (sd81) – It’s funny because he’s horrible at football.
Chuggin’ Red Bull With Dana (Steven) – Apparently, we have a big fan of Dana Jacobson on our hands.
Upper Quad Crawl (David) – Go the distance… Please.
Utah Warchildren (TQuigs) – No clue.
Hokies (Mark) – Well put.
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Hokie Motivator of the Week
Each week, the Carnegie Mellon Football Analyst submits his own Hokie Motivator.
This week, he makes fun of Michigan. Something this post needs more of.
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Gratuitous Dumb and Dumber Quote of the Week
Yes, we're stealing this straight from Deadspin's Jamboroo. No, we don't care.
You knew it was coming…
Harry: According to the map we've only gone 4 inches.
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Replacement Voldemort of the Week
As we mentioned, this game is HUGE.
And no one is giving us a chance.
They say, we don’t even deserve to be here!
Well, we know a guy that has something to say about that…
Great moments are born from great opportunity.
And that's what you have here tonight, boys.
That's what you've earned here, tonight.
One game.
If we played 'em ten times, they might win nine.
BUT NOT THIS GAME!
Not tonight.
Tonight, we hit with 'em.
Tonight, we stay with 'em!
And we shut them down because we can!
Tonight, we are the greatest football team in the world.
You were born to be football players -- every one of ya.
And you were meant to be here tonight.
This is your time.
Their time -- is DONE. It's over!
I'm sick and tired of hearin' about what a great football program Michigan has.
Screw 'em!
This is your time!!
Now go out there and take it!
LET’S GO HOKIES!!
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