| 18 January 2012
Yeah, that's right. We said it. No, that is not a typo. With all due respect to women's basketball, our guy's team resembles a a bunch of prancing ballerinas that run, jump, and move around the three point line...except we do it with far less self-respect and even less finesse. Ugh. See, C Gally and The Northerner brought me on to keep you entertained during basketball season. Well, the more we keep losing, the more you losers don't want to read our blog. That's not cool. So dammit, Seth, for the sake of NEZ, f*cking win some games. Hmm, wonder if it will come Thursday night when we play UNC? Pfffft. Keep dreaming. Anyway, hit the jump for more.
Ain't it the truth??
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Alright, alright, guys, joke's over. You can go back to being the Virginia Tech team we've all grown to love. You know, the one that makes the NCAA tournament year in and year out, dominates the ACC...oh wait. How about the one that loses to a couple of the worst teams in the ACC. Oh yeahhhhhhhh. That's right. That's more like it! Yeah, we lost to Boston College and that is just pathetic. Some of you will say "Oh, but we didn't have Erick Green!" Yeah, that sucked, but there is no reason to lose to a team like Boston College. You just can't do it.
So, many know that a rant was promised. Well guess what? It just didn't even seem necessary to dedicate an entire post to what's wrong with our hoops team. Seriously, don't you agree? We can basically sum up the problem in a mere two words: WE SUCK. Let's boil it down, shall we? We have Erick Green. Then we have everybody else. How's that? Green is awesome and everyone else is either mediocre or awful. Perhaps we need a new coach. It makes sense at this point. People can argue until they're blue in the face that we need to let Greenberg develop his most recent recruiting class because it's the best one VT has ever had. Well, while the latter is true, it's not like Seth never worked with talent before. Did you know he's in his NINTH year now? Yeah, unbelievable, isn't it? Anybody know how many NCAA tournament appearances we've had? ONE. Yeah, that's right...ONE damn appearance. Now, we don't think we should make it every year, but ONCE every NINE years just isn't getting it done. Seth has done a great job since taking over for Ricky Stokes (gross), but we've plateaued. It's time to move on. There. Rant over.
The Dude and Walter are also unimpressed
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Basketball Fail of the Week
You know, I'm too lazy to find something from this week. I'm headed to Vegas tomorrow, so my mind has been preoccupied with more awesome things. So, this week, we bring you an epic fail by Jason Richardson. It happened on New Years Day, but it's still our fail of the week.
Didn't this guy win a dunk contest? It must have been a while ago, though, because to get rejected by the rim shows just how much age affects jumping. Who woulda thunk it? Anyway, thank you, JRich, for our basketball fail of the week.
Just to rub it in a bit, we found a 12 year old who can dunk. Seems real because we he jumps, there is no skip or signs of editing. But hell, what do we know?
For both of these reason, Jason Richardson, you are the basketball fail of the week.
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Tweet of the Week
This week, there were two awesome tweets. Because we couldn't pick a winner, we decided to bring em both into the spotlight. Perhaps you the readers can choose which one is best by commenting below.
The first one talks about meat. Damn, how we love meat. This guy does, too. His tweet? "I wrapped tonight's meatloaf in bacon. Because why the f*ck not?" Touche, kind sir. Why the f*ck not indeed. Meatloaf wrapped with bacon - there is absolutely nothing wrong with that statement. Epic win.
The second one makes a lot of sense for a lot of reasons. We seem to recall a website that some Hokies started. We think it was www.dontfirealgroh.com. Well, karma is a bitch. The co-tweet of the week? "I think UVA just started a website, "Don't Fire Seth Greenberg.com". Bahahahaha. So, the website isn't up and running yet, but we're sure it's coming.
Congrats to our tweets of the week.
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The Good Guys
What in the hell are we supposed to say here? Wasn't there enough ranting done earlier in this post? Here it is for you in haiku:
We suck at bball,
Green is great, all others suck.
Fire Greenberg now please.
There. Are you happy? We resorted to f*cking haiku to get he point across.
We've also embarrassed the shit out of Air Bud. He is far superior for our team. So for that, we apologize. However, we can't proceed without bringing a new recruit. This guy is EXACTLY what we need. He hails from the swamps of Louisiana and is dumb as a brick, but hell, we need anything we can get at this point. So, without further adieu, we bring you Neon f*cking Budreau.
Who really CARES how much it costs to bring him in. As long as we have Happy as one of our boosters, then we should be all set. In all seriousness, wouldn't it be great if we could land a big man like this guy?
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The Tarholes
Yeah, we gotta make fun of their name because seriously, what else can we do? You know, history suggests that we will play this team close and perhaps even win. While it's POSSIBLE, it just isn't PROBABLE. In all likelihood, we are going to get stomped. Again. On national TV. During prime time. AWESOME. We all know that UNC is good...damn good. If they were bad, they wouldn't be ranked #8 in the country.
So, like Florida State, instead of listing off players and stats (because they are good at EVERYTHING), we are going to list off reasons why we hate UNC.
1) Tyler Hansbrough. Sweet jeebus, this guy is just a huge douche. That's about all we need to say about him.
2) They're fans are a bunch of bandwagon shitheads. Every single year they gain 100,000 fans for no reason other than they're good.
3) Continuing with the fan theme, they have the same pretentious fans as Duke, but without the national hatred
4) Baby blue? Are we teething? Their colors remind us of crying babies...
5) Does anyone really know what the f*ck a Tarheel is? Anybody?
6) Tyler Hansbrough. Yeah, he is that bad, so we listed him again.
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Celebrity Look-a-Like
You know, before we reveal the big winner, we'd just like to say that no matter who we put in our celebrity look-a-like generator, one of the matches is ALWAYS Bruce Willis. WTF? Something just doesn't seem right about that.
Anyway, for all you soccer nuts out there, Roy resembles quite an awesome soccer player and coach. His name is Franz Beckenbauer. You know, he was f*cking awesome.
So while Roy is a great coach, he never really played basketball on any professional level. Beceknbauer is a man's man. Roy should be honored that our celebrity look-a-like generator selected Franz.
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UNC Pump Up Video
OK, this time, we are bringing back a goody. Does anyone remember when C Gally went on The Pulse Network to do a Virginia Tech football preview? Well, we decided to bring that back. So, while it may not pump you up, it will allow you to trash C Gally and gleefully point out that he looks like a complete tool. So, click on the link below and enjoy!
http://tpn.thepulsenetwork.com/sports/the-pulse-on-campus/09-02-11-virginia-tech-preview/
GO HOKIES!!!
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