It's here!!! The Pittsburgh game! Everyone's coming to see me!
Yes, your humble editor knows he doesn't actually live in Pittsburgh any more. But I still freaking love this place, and you will too!
Well, those of you coming. The rest of you? Psssh.
But everyone should keep reading, after the jump...
Non-Metallica Pump-Up Song of the Week
Yup. It makes us drunk and then it rains. This song is great at pointing out the very obvious.
We have literally no thoughts on the Austin Peay game. We didn't watch, and it didn't look like we blew anyone away with our spectacular play.
We hope everyone enjoyed DiP's mediocre live tweeting, until he got too drunk to type. It doesn't take much.
The Bad Guys
Pittsburgh is a freaking terible football team. They lost to Youngstown State in week 1. They lost to Cincinnati in an embarassing nationally televised game.
Tino Sunseri is probably the worst quarterback a Division 1A team has ever fielded. It's almost comical, really.
This is a team that has had 4 head coaches in the past 3 hours. Their fanbase has all but abandoned them. The stadium they play in has exactly zero homefield advantage.
They are going no where but down, and if they think moving to the ACC will help them, they are sorely mistaken.
Seriously. We should win this game by 50.
The Good Guys
Yeah, there's not really anything to report that we can think of. This is likely due to the fact that your humble editor has been on vacation all week. Researching for this game? HA! We didn't even do that for Georgia Tech.
OH HELLZ YEAH THIS GAME IS GOING TO BE AWESOME! It's going to be about 80% Hokie fans. Poppa Gally is rolling with the RV to tailgate, and you know that all but guarantees a victory. So if you're in the mood for good chili and mediocre beer, stop on by! We will be the rowdy, Irish folks that are drunk at 9 am.
----------------Speaking of the Irish, this whole Notre Dame thing just makes us sad. The ACC is the new Big East. There're no two ways about it. We brought in two terrible football teams, then bail Notre Dame out without bringing in the football program. Yes, we know they have to play the ACC 5 times a year, but that's a similar thing the BE had way back when.
Yes, the numbers make it a good deal for the ACC. But the writing is on the wall.
As bad as the ACC has been, it almost makes us want to root for other teams in the conference...
(remembers that Miami, BC, Maryland, UVA, Duke, UNC, and Florida State are in the conference...)
Nah, nevermind. We hope they lose every game.
B-Dub’s Factual Corner
Pittsburgh. Ah it’s a great city. For once, things are actually going right for them. NOT (insert snarky elementary school grin/eye roll here). The Pirates are in the process of choking, Jagr and the Flyers took out the Penguins in the first round of the playoffs, and the Steelers got owned by Peyton Manning and the Broncos. Bahahaha!! I can see the tears in C Gally’s eyes now. It’s beautiful. Simply BEAUTIFUL!
So yeah, now it’s time for the…uhh…Cougars? Wishful thinking. Prowlers? Ponies? Oh yeah, PANTHERS! Well, I think that’s right anyway. I don’t really feel like looking it up right now because I’m lazy. That and I couldn’t care less about them. Seriously, when did we last play these guys? Was it really back when Larry Fitzgerald was around? Well, fortunately they don’t have anyone that good on their team. Wanna know how I know that? Because they suck and they’ve lost to Youngstown State (eek) and Cincinnati (double eek). Can it get any worse? Sure it can. They now play the HOKIES!!
Honestly, we should beat the shit out of these guys. I mean, they are just plain awful. If we lose, then UVA will beat us by 20. That’s how bad these guys are at football. But you know what? I am not very confident in our offense right now. Wanna know why? Because of Curt Newsome…his offensive line sucks and they have for like the last seven years. Seriously the oline is as useless as a used condom. It still angers me we couldn’t convert a 4th and 1 with a LT QB sneak. However, Pitt’s defense is pretty awful, too. They’ve given up eight touchdowns in two games. Yikes. They’ve also allowed nearly 425 yards of offense a game. And this all came against really bad football teams. So honestly, we should wreck shop. Will we? Consider me skeptical. Though I did predict we’d score 31, so I guess I should mention 21 will come from defense and special teams.
Defensively, we better eat these pieces of shit for breakfast. I can hear Happy Gilmore now…”you eat pieces of shit for breakfast?” Damn right Bud’s defense does and they do it on a weekly basis. You know how many touchdowns they have scored as an offense in two games? THREE. Now take a guess at how many our defense has given up in the same span? THREE (should have been two…stupid awesome punter that we can’t hate for botching that snap because he’s been lights out ever since). Anyone with common sense can see what will happen here. PREPARE FOR TOTAL DOMINATION <insert spirit fingers from the cheerleaders in Bring It On> - yeah I went there. Get over it.
Zombie Kill of the Week
Each week, D_w finds the biggest hit from the prior game. At least, he’s supposed to be doing that. We don’t pay him to just sit around. In fact, we don’t pay him at all.
Ok, this week was easy, and since most of you probably didn't flip on espn3.com, who had the exclusive rights to the live broadcast, (I am sure all the big networks were super pissed they couldn't get the exclusive rights) you probably haven't even seen the hit yet. This week's Zombie Kill comes from a seldom heard from free safety Detrick Bonner, and before you ask, yes I believe his favorite place to eat on campus D Express. Going to go ahead and jump right into the video, since the more I think about how slow we started this game the more my head hurts..
With that hit we put week 2 behind us, and we can start looking forward to the Pitt game, lets give them a nice preview of what football is going to be like in the ACC for them. Oh yeah, I was planning on going to this game but then my free place to stay moved out of town (which was a great decision because who would really wants to live in Pittsburgh) so I believe a comfy seat on the couch, or at a local bar will have to do. Oh and one last thing.. that's 2 games in a row, so suck it C.Gally.
[Editor's Note: You know we've given D_w a hard time in the past about his performance. He has been pretty good this year, so for that, we say... just make sure you keeo it up, jackass.]
BE BETTER! of the Week
This is a new feature that will likely show up each week. We’ve used this phrase plenty in conversations outside of the NEZ. Basically, telling someone to BE BETTER is calling them out on being lazy or ignorant at something they’re supposed to do.
This week, we call out... C GALLY!! That's right. What, you go on vacation and think that's an excuse for not putting together a half decent game preview? Tens of people are counting on you!! Get your shit together and make it happen.
This Week in F You ESPN
We read a little bit of Heather Dinich this week...
You know how, sometimes everyone has a certain opinion on something, then you try it and find out that it's not so bad?
This is absolutely NOT one of those times.
She is the freaking worst. I don't even need to post an example. Just go read somethign she wrote. I have full confidence that you will be convinced.
Avid Reader Comment of the Week
With all the hate that goes on around this site, we’d like to talk about something that we love: Reader Comments.
Why do we love them? For many reasons:
1. We know that people other than our parents are reading.
2. We don’t have to come up with funny content on our own (always a bad idea)
3. The comments are usually funnier than anything we could think up.
This week, we have a solid back and forth between BDubs and HTHokie:
B Dubs: 2) Any self-respecting man should never honeymoon during football season. Therefore, I vote a man card be revoked
HTHokie: Addendum to #2, unless he can include a Hokie game in his honeymoon. If he does, Man card is upgraded to BOSS status.
If you can make that happen, you have a man card for life. You could wear a purse for all we care and you're still good... ok maybe not that far. But you could definitely order a mojito and it'd be totally cool.
Hokie Motivator of the Week
Each week, the Carnegie Mellon Football Analyst submits his own Hokie Motivator. Apparently, Mr. Maryland is back from his honeymoon and ready to rock and roll:
Yeah, they don't have to go to Morgantown anymore. But I still do.
Gratuitous Tommy Boy Quote of the Week
Yes, we're stealing this straight from Deadspin's Jamboroo. No, we don't care.
Richard: A message? What number did you call?
Tommy: Two, four, niner, five, six, seven...
Richard: I can't hear you, you're trailing off and did I catch a niner in there? Were you calling from a walkie-talkie?
Tommy: No, it was cordless.
Replacement Voldemort of the Week
This one is easy.
We're going with the greatest man to ever emerge from the 'Burgh. Possibly the greatest man EVER.
And he's going to get a Hokie win.
That's right. We're going with...
Can you say "LET'S GO HOKIES??"
LET’S GO HOKIES!!
I knew you could.