Huh? What? Where am I? What happened the past two weeks? Oh no… NOT AGAIN!!

So far, 2011 has SUCKED for Hokies. We lost by 28 in the Orange Bowl. Our best players are leaving. Our o- line is returning. And Voldemort is STILL in charge of our offense.

But tonight, we play UNC in basketball. And guess what, they kinda suck too! They have 4 losses, just like us. Two of those losses came to unranked teams, just like us. And they’re probably making the tournament, just like… Oh. Shit.

We’re not gonna lie, we haven’t watched much Hokie basketball this year. Being out of market does that. But we assume we still have no inside presence and miss free-throws like fifth graders.

You know I’m a dreamer, but my heart’s of gold.

Yeah, I may be dreaming thinking we’re going to win tonight. 

But we ARE going to win, because I’ll be watching. This plan is flawless.

In order to win in Chapel Hill, we’ll need someone great. We thought about going with Major Winters, who passed away just after New Years.

You know him as this:

 

This is actually him:

Neither of these guys could make The Pacific watchable.

But we figured that using an ACTUAL war hero to win a basketball game would be somewhat… Stupid? Disrespectful? Both?

So let’s stick with what we do best: cartoons from our childhood.

 

Darkwing Duck

Let's. Get. Dangerous.

LET'S GO HOKIES!! 

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We have... no words. We knew it was coming. You knew it was coming. It's a sad day.

The RMFW nickname was, without hyperbole, my single biggest contribution to society since college.

More on this later. But for now, these eyes... are crying...  no comments

Well, this shouldn't really be a surprise. Darren Evans is off to the NFL.

The dude is a stud, and we can't say we blame him. He's got a family to worry about, and he'd likely split carries again next year (hopefully, since NO ONE ELSE IS LEAVING).

And apparently, Andrew Luck is coming back next year? He's slated to go #1. Yeah, first pick.

Aren't Stanford kids supposed to be smart? I'm sorry, but passing up $70 million is f*cking stupid.

Maybe he just figures that he'll miss all the college announcers wanting to blow him.

Anyways, a big "thank you" to Darren Evans. He played two full seasons, and got us to two Orange Bowls. Not a bad record.

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Well that sucked. ·

I wanted us to win this game. ·Badly. ·

If we couldn't win, I wanted us to fight and make it close.·

I got neither of my wishes.·

Self-loathing rantings, after the jump.·

 

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Pictured: Our offensive line sucking. 4 linemen on the ground, RMFW blocking. He's still our boy.

So.... 27-0 in the second half. To say we were out-coached would be the understatement of the decade.

Yeah, it's a bowl game that no one cared about. But we were freaking embarrassed. Again.

You had 3 weeks to put a game plan together. And what did we get? FUCKING DRAW PLAYS.

Eat my ass, Voldemort. We wanted to let you off this year. We wanted to say all was forgiven. But you are literally the worst person at any job ever.

Wow, Andrew Luck is SOOO good at throwing to wide open receivers. Is he any good at pulling Gruden's tongue out of his ass?

I can deal with losing, but seriously... W...T...FUCK?!?!?!

What was their big secret? Run the ball to the left?

I swear, if anyone EVER mentions national title on this site again, you are banished to the land of the re-donkulous number of spammers we've gotten recently.

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Ohboyohboyohboyohboy... Its here!  

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It's bowl time kids. The Christmas Song Countdown really took it out of us, but we are BACK.

So let's light this candle and burn down some trees, after the jump...

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The Number One Song is here!  Like a present of Mexican jumping beans under the tree, unwrap after the jump.  Damn, I'm hilarious.  

 

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To fill the void of posts from now until the bowl game, we have decided to count down the top 21 Christmas/Holiday songs out there.  And just because we’re so awesome (and expect a good bit of banter in the comments) we’re not only going for songs, but the specific version of the songs. ·Boo yah. ·That just happened. Since CGally screwed us over by never posting anything, we're combining the last ten songs in three parts to get this over with.  

 

 

#5 Lou Monte - Dominick the Donkey

If you have never heard this song: Fuck You.

That probably goes for just about everyone who reads this blog, so I take that back.  But it is one of the best Christmas songs out there.  I mean Dominick!  He’s a donkey!  The clothes are made in Brook-a-Leen!

I dare you to not tap your foot or sing along when this song is on.  This song rocks.

 

#4 Carpenters - Sleigh Ride

This one I will chalk up as a brainwashing gone right by my mother.  Every year since I can remember, every Christmas morning when we opened up presents, my mom would tell us to wait until she made herself a cup of tea and put on the Carpenters.  That shit has been ingrained in my DNA to make me feel good every time I hear it.  This song is obviously the best of theirs, which is why it's on this list. 

I would venture a guess that most people associate with the Carpenters with Christmas and not with their massive amount of other works.  This is all thanks to moms everywhere brainwashing their families into listening to the Carpenters only at Christmas.  DAMN YOU MOMS EVERYWHERE!!  

 

#3 Thurl Ravenscroft - You're  a Mean One, Mr Grinch

Do I really need to say anything about this other than I never knew the guys name was Thurl Ravenscroft?  Badass.  Just like the song.  

 

#2 Band Aid - Do They Know It's Christmas?

This was supposed to be the number 1 song, but come on, it really is more a number 2-er.  This song is everything great about the 80's.  Boy George was just starting to be batshit crazy, and looked the part; the singers took themselves WAY too seriously; the song itself is so terrible it has crossed back to being good ("Well tonight thank God it's them instead of you" - seriously?  What. The. Fuck.); the awful fashion; everything.  I think Simon Le Bon is the only one who made it out alive from this thing.  

Side note:  Anyone think Bono reminds them of Bobcat Goldthwaite at around the 1:29 mark?  

Side note 2:  Who is the guy who opens the song?  Seriously, that shit has been eating my brain for like 4 years now.  It's Mac from Always Sunny, right?  

#10-6 Go Here

#11 Elvis Presley - Blue Christmas

#12 Paul McCartney - Wonderful Christmas Time

#13 Jose Feliciano - Feliz Navidad

#14 Bobby Helms - Jingle Bell Rock

#15 Adam Sandler - Chanukkah Song

#16 Mariah Carey - All I Want For Christmas is You

#17 Bing Crosby -·Mele Kalikimaka

#18 Eagles -·Please Come Home for Christmas

#19 Wham! -·Last Christmas

#20 Muppets -·Marley and Marley

#21 Elmo & Patsy -·Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer

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To fill the void of posts from now until the bowl game, we have decided to count down the top 21 Christmas/Holiday songs out there.  And just because we’re so awesome (and expect a good bit of banter in the comments) we’re not only going for songs, but the specific version of the songs. ·Boo yah. ·That just happened. ·#11, after the jump Now.

This may shock our readers to find out, but we're often flying by the seat of our pants. Nothing is planned, and most posts are done after happy hour.  So let's just do 10-6 right now.

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#10: John Lennon – Happy Christmas (War is Over)

Despite my long-standing hatred of hippies and Yoko Ono, this song is pretty solid. But this is Amer-kuh, and we say "Merry Christmas" here, ya dumb Brits. We kicked your ass in World War II and we'll do it again!

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#9: Margaret Whiting and Johnny Mercer – Baby It’s Cold Outside

I would have voted for the Elf version, but I guess this is ok too. Let it be known, however, that this is the creepiest Christmas song ever. 

Some of the lyrics...

• The answer is "no"
• This welcome has been... so nice and warm
• What's in this drink?

So let's see. First of all, no means no, Mr. Roethlisberger. Secondly, this welcome has been so nice and warm? Dude, you are in the friend zone. She might as well have called you a "catch" or tell you that you're cute. You're not gonna close the deal. Trust me. I'm an expert.

And what's in this drink?? Seriously?? You're freaking drugging her? Ok Mr. Mercer, I'm officially going to alert the authorities.

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#8 Dean Martin – Let it Snow

The great part about this song is that you can play it throughout winter. I know no one ever does, cuz that'd be kinda weird. But it's not technically a Christmas song.

It also reminds me of snow days. You remember, when we used to not have to go to school, or work, or wherever. Yeah, those used to be sweet.

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#7 The Drifters - White Christmas

I will take ALL the credit for this one. Home Alone is great, and this song is even better. Is there a reason Juxtaposition doesn't sing this song? Is there a reason they don't sing "Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego?" Is there a reason for anything Juxta does?

But I don't want to get lost in all those Juxtaposition references. This song is great, and I think it would make a great #1 for anyone's countdown.

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Another #1 contender, this might just be the quintessential Christmas song. Even though Nat King Cole is kinda creepy looking in this video, he still rocks it out.

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#11 Elvis - Blue Christmas

#12 Paul McCartney - Wonderful Christmas Time

#13 Jose Feliciano - Feliz Navidad

#14 Bobby Helms - Jingle Bell Rock

#15 Adam Sandler - Chanukkah Song

#16 Mariah Carey - All I Want For Christmas is You

#17 Bing Crosby -·Mele Kalikimaka

#18 Eagles -·Please Come Home for Christmas

#19 Wham! -·Last Christmas

#20 Muppets -·Marley and Marley

#21 Elmo & Patsy -·Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer

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