In a last-ditch effort to become relevant again, the Pirates are turning to the public for help.

No, they aren't getting anyone from a reality show again. Rinku and Dinesh are working out just fine. They need an Alternate Mascot!

From the site:

This position is responsible for providing entertainment for Pittsburgh Pirates fans during game day performances.

Primary Responsibilities

• Perform at select Pirates home games, which includes: skit and game scheduling meetings.

• Maintain props and signs.

• Develop, create and execute new performance skits.

• Entertain the crowd.

• Assist with pregame and in-game activities, including: skits and sponsor events, etc.

• All other duties as assigned by the Mascot Coordinator and Manager of Promotions.

Required Qualifications

• Candidates must be a maximum height of 4' 8"

• Candidates must be at least 16 years of age

Maximum height of 4'8"? I guess that leaves out the only man I know that's qualified...

You know 'em, you love 'em.  It's time for the vegetable round.  After the jump.

The Orioles won 1 (one) game last week.  One.  Man, Avon Barksdale is having more luck in the East-West game than the Orioles these days.  Anyways, we hope you enjoyed your Memorial Day weekend.  We learned a few things this weekend, namely that spray suntan lotion actually works pretty well and that you cannot play bumarooski around a golden retriever when he realizes that you cut up two of his tennis balls to make the chunks.  Anyways, here are your standings.  Not much new going on here.  Happy short week.

26-26 (.500)(T-Third in NL East)

24-28 (.462)(Third in NL Central)

15-36 (.294)(Last in AL East)

There's something about eating meat that brings you back to where you feel a connection with your ancestors.  Not the ones who gave you shitty Christmas presents and still call you by the diminuitive form of your name.  The ones who carried a club and fought pumas and shit.  Makes you realize why we still have those sharpish fangs for teeth.  Makes you feel alive.  Jump then vote.

Ok, people, here we go. It begins. Again. Hopefully more organized and streamlined this time. Anyways, we begin the tournament with Fruits. Delicious, delicious fruits. Vote after the jump.

Alright, so March/April/May madness went off without a hitch.  Well maybe a little bit of a hitch.  Ok, a big fucking hitch.  But we're going to try this again.  This time with simpler options that everyone has an opinion on.  We're going to do a "Dead Time During the Summer before HateFest and Football Season" Madness.  Our topic of choice?  Food, of course.  More after the jump.

Watching baseball?? HA! Not a chance.

Once every four years, a magical tournament takes place. Teams from around the world compete in the greatest sport ever invented...

SLAMBALL!!

But, after the underground SlamBall Championship is over, the World Cup begins! And just like with the Vancouver Olympics, The North End Zone will be your go-to place for WC2010 news, results, and in-depth analysis.

But more importantly, we're holding another contest! (password: hokies)

The NEZ is having a World Cup Prediction Contest, sponsored by... I dunno... Taco Bell. We will once again be having prizes (still waiting to hear from Binghurst about that second place finish in the NCAA one), and they will likely be similar to our prior contest. But if you have any specific requests, let us know! We're open to anything*.

*Especially The Northerner. He's open to ANYTHING.

So sign up and show us how good you are at guessing random countries. Good luck to all participants.

There has been some shifting going on in our rankings after this week.  The Sox jump up to first place (WOOOOO) with a huge .533 winning percentage while the now second-place Nationals stay above .500, but just barely.  The Cubbies also jumped the Buckos, and the Orioles did stuff.  Man they're terrible, those Orioles.  But you already knew that.  Anyways, not much else to talk about here, but there is something to think about:  Will the Pirates ever get above .500 again this season?  Your thoughts in the comments.

23-22 (.511)(Third in NL East)

21-24 (.467)(Third in NL Central)

14-31 (.311)(Last in AL East)

We've finally made it to the end.

After the jump... your champion.

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So here we are. The end of the journey. One more choice to make in this completely absurd tournament we have here. But what were you going to do anyways? Watch baseball? HA!

After the jump, your Championship match…

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